


Something Good from Something Bad

by Piper_Halliwell1979



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Dean, Consent, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, First Time Topping, Flashbacks, Goodbyes, Hand Jobs, Human Castiel, Kissing, M/M, Making Love, Nightmares, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Season/Series 12, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Season 9 mentioned, Top Castiel, Touching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 16:21:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11832462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piper_Halliwell1979/pseuds/Piper_Halliwell1979
Summary: After the events of season 12, Sam and Dean work a case that brings them back to a town in Colorado which holds a lot of memories for Dean.





	Something Good from Something Bad

**Author's Note:**

> The rape/non-con is not between Dean and Cas

***Present***

 

They were on a case in Colorado. Dean was behind the wheel off his Baby as his brother read up on it on his tablet. He passed a Gas-n-Sip and his blood ran cold. It was the one Cas had worked at when he was human. 

 

He pulled into the lot of the motel he’d stayed at all those years ago. Sam said he could drive for awhile if Dean was tired but Dean ignored him and went to the manager’s office. He got two singles and tossed Sam his room key when he got back. Without a word he gathered his things and locked himself into his room.

 

It looked the same. He sat on the edge of the bed and stared into the tiny bathroom.

 

***Past***

 

He could tell Cas had nowhere to go that night after they left Nora's.  He brought him back to his motel so he could offer him a hot shower and a bed to sleep in. He’d stopped and gotten them dinner. Cas ate like he was starving then took him up on the shower. 

 

“I can sleep on the floor. You paid for the bed.”

 

Dean shook his head. “You been sleeping on a cold floor. Bed’s yours. Or we could share. I can sleep on top of the covers.”

 

“Thank you, Dean.”

 

***Present***

 

Dean laid on the side of the bed. He took one of the pillows and hugged it to his chest, looking at the empty side. Silent tears slipped from his eyes.

 

***Past***

 

“No! Stop! Just let me go!” Cas cried out in his sleep. Dean hadn’t even dozed yet. He put a hand on Cas’ shoulder and shook him awake.

 

“Hey. Hey buddy. What’s wrong? You okay?”

 

Cas startled and sniffled. “Nightmares. I get nightmares. I’ll be fine.”

 

“You wanna talk about it?” Dean remembered every time he comforted his brother after one. He rubbed circles on Cas’ back and spoke softly.

 

“Something...something  _ bad _ happened.” Cas rolled to his back and stared at the ceiling.

 

“Bad things happen in dreams. Then we wake up.”

 

“No!” Cas said a little more loudly than he intended. “It happened.”

 

“Cas, talk to me. Tell me what bad thing happened.”

 

“I’m ashamed.”

 

Dean inched a little closer. He rested his hand on Cas’ arm. “I won’t judge you. It’s just us. I won’t even tell Sam. Okay?”

 

Cas took a few deep breaths. “Before I came here, I was sleeping under an overpass. I was struck. Hard. I tried to fight back when I realized what was happening but he was too strong. He pushed me down. He ripped my clothes. He... _ hurt _ me, Dean. And I was powerless. I let him hurt me.”

 

He started crying again. It was still all too vivid in his mind. He dreamt of being in pain on the cold ground. He remembered wanting to die.

 

“He came to end my pain, Dean. He was there to make it stop,” he continued, referring to the Rit Zein.

 

Dean was tense. His body shivered with rage. His instinct was to jump up and find the son of a bitch who attacked...no,  _ violated _ , Cas and rip his dick off. But it would only add to Cas’ terror. He had to calm down. Cas needed a kind touch, not more violence.

 

“I’m so sorry, Cas. It’s all my fault. If I hadn’t...you should have been home. Safe.”

 

“No. I understand Sam comes first, even before yourself.”

 

“Don’t say that. You’re my family, too. I was supposed to protect you.”

 

“You protected me tonight. And that night. If it wasn't for the thought of leaving you and Sam alone I would have laid there and died. Instead I crawled to the road for help and went to the hospital.”

 

Dean’s heart was broken. Even if Cas forgave him he wouldn't forgive himself. “I…” he started but faltered. He had only told one person and he was long gone. “Something bad happened to me too.”

 

Cas rolled to face him. He blinked in disbelief.

 

“I was some punk kid. Thought I had the world by the balls. I hustled some dudes at pool like I did most nights. Strutted down the alley with a wad of cash in my pocket. Next thing I know my head cracked on the pavement. Blood ran down in my eye. Felt a couple ribs crack. Blacked out.

 

“Came to once. I was gagging and couldn't breathe. Felt like a hot poker between my legs. They took turns on me until I blacked out again. Guy who owned the tattoo shop next door found me half dead on some garbage bags. Woke up in a hospital.”

 

“Oh Dean...you were-"

 

“Yeah. I was. Told the cops I was blacked out the whole time and didn’t remember. They wanted to call somebody for me. We were near Sioux Falls so I said I was Dean Singer. Told them Bobby was my old man.”

 

Cas listened intently.

 

“Came and got me when I was released. Asked him not to call John for a few days. He made me up the pull out couch and took care of me. Heard me screaming in my sleep like you were and I broke down and told him everything. He said he’d tell John I was a beat up John Doe one of his friends recognized and called him. Swore he’d never tell another living soul and he didn't.”

 

“I’m so sorry, Dean. Why did you not tell me? Or Sam? I could have taken that painful memory from you.” Cas gently touched Dean’s face. Dean placed his own hand over it.

 

“I learned a lot from that. Humans can be monsters too. I wasn’t the badass I thought I was. Bobby was the dad I should have had. I had to fight harder, smarter, to survive.”

 

“But...how did you get over that fear? You’ve been with many women. I don’t want anything to do with sex ever again. It’s...ugly and violent.”

 

Dean hesitated then put his arm around Cas to pull him closer. “You trust me, right? I’m not scaring you right now?”

 

Cas shook his head. He felt safe even though a strong man was holding him on a bed.

 

“It depends on who you’re with. You have to trust them not to hurt you. Then as time goes by you realize you got your power back. You get to choose who your partner is. If it feels off you walk away. And never, ever leave a drink out of your sight. I’ve bloodied up a lot of dudes I caught slipping a roofie in somebody’s drink at a bar.”

 

“Who was it for you? Who did you trust?”

 

Another huge confession churned in Dean’s gut. He already opened one old wound. He may as well rip the bandage off this revelation.

 

“His name was Sean.  He was a cop I met when I was working a case. We went for coffee and wound up talking for hours. Spent my downtime with him for nearly a week. One night he asked if there was something going on between us and I admitted there was. We went back to his place.

 

“He was so...sweet. Every step of the way he asked if what he was doing was okay, if  _ I _ was okay. He took his time and made sure I was into it. He made me feel good about being touched like that. We slept together twice that night and the next morning I told him I had to go. Job was over. He understood and told me at least we got a good night to remember.”

 

Cas was wide eyed with shock. “I wasn’t aware you slept with men as well.”

 

“Now you do. But that's completely in confidence. Sam doesn’t know. Moral of the story is that the right person will shift the tide for you.” He looked down at the lack of space between them. “Can I hug you, Cas?”

 

He nodded his consent. Warmth encircled him. He would have given anything for Dean to have been the one to save him, to comfort him. But he’d been ashamed of not being able to defend himself. He’d been embarrassed of how far he’d fallen from warrior of the Lord.

 

“Dean? Can you do that for me?”

 

“Do what? Tell you who to trust?”

 

“No. It’s  _ you _ I trust. You know how it feels to be me. You know what I need.”

 

Dean sighed. “You don’t want me, Cas. You don’t know what you’re asking. You’re still traumatized. I could make your PTSD worse. And you don’t have to be with a guy because I was.”

 

Cas put his hand on Dean’s chest. “Or you could put me on the path to heal. I’m taking back my power and choosing who I want to share my body with. It’s within your power to say no to me. I will respect that.”

 

“I don’t...I’m not a top. Okay? I like being a bottom when I’m with a guy. You should know that. We do this...it’s gonna be more like what happened with April.”

 

“You won’t stab me in the chest afterward. That’s a plus.” Cas joked to lighten the mood. He coaxed a weak smile from Dean.

 

“What about in the morning, when I’m nothing but tail lights on the horizon? How you gonna feel about me being a one night stand? I don’t want to leave you like that. Hell, I don’t wanna leave you at all.”

 

“How do you feel about Sean?”

 

Dean rolled his eyes. Cas and his damned logic. “I feel like he’s a good thing that happened to me.”

 

“And I will feel the same. If I ever take another lover I will remember you instead of the others. Unless you are a terrible partner.”

 

Dean smiled wider at that than the first crack. “Saying shit like that is no way to get in my pants.” He looked Cas over. “You’re serious?”

 

“Yes. But only if you are willing. If not I will try to get some sleep and will consider the matter closed.”

 

“It’s not like I haven't thought about it, wondered what it would be like. I care about you. You mean something to mean. You mean a  _ lot _ to me. If we do this...it means when you can come home we’ll be weird around each other.”

 

Cas tilted his head and squinted.

 

“I never saw Sean again. All he is to me is what I remember. You’ll see me fuck up and disappoint you. You’ll regret this.”

 

Castiel put a firm hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I have never regretted one second of my time with you, Dean Winchester.” He looked longingly into his eyes. 

 

He was running out of arguments. He couldn't deny the lustful thoughts that had creeped into his head when Cas emerged from the bathroom. It was before he knew the awful truth. It was true he’d wanted Cas. He never thought that would be a possibility, much less an impending reality. He wanted to be the one to show Cas how to make love.

 

“Would it be okay to kiss you first?”

 

Cas drew in his breath and left his lips slightly parted. He met Dean halfway for a quick and chaste peck. It was pleasant, gentle. “I liked that,” he blushed. “Can we do more of that?”

 

“Yeah, Cas. That would be nice.” Dean smiled at him and cupped his face. He kissed him slow but for longer. They took small breaks but each one mounted toward soft moaning.

 

“Dean, I feel...aroused,” Cas announced.

 

“Me too. Do you want to touch? On top of the clothes stuff?”

 

Cas pushed the covers away to expose his tented sleep pants. He took one of Dean’s hands and moved it down his chest and stomach to his groin. He tensed a little but the heat of Dean’s hand on him felt good. He tentatively reached for Dean.

 

“It’s okay, Cas. I will tell you right now that you have my full consent to try anything you want. This is about you and what you’re comfortable with.”

 

Cas kissed him again. He rubbed his hand over the hard bulge in Dean’s jeans. It was a lot less intimidating knowing it would not be penetrating him. He shifted his hips against Dean’s palm for more friction. “You can...you can put your hand down my pants.”

 

Dean plucked the tie loose from pants and pressed his hand flat against Cas’ stomach. He inched down past the waistband, testing his reaction before taking him in his hand. “Still okay?”

 

“Very,” Cas moaned. He had experimented with touching himself before the bad thing happened. It never felt like that. Perhaps it was Dean’s amount of experience.

 

“You wanna get off like this? I can just deal with myself in the shower after,” Dean offered.

 

“No. I want you to take off your clothes for me. Please. I want to see you.”

 

Dean withdrew his hand and stepped off the bed. He took off his shirt and threw it over a chair. He undid his belt and jeans and pushed them down. Cas stared until the boxers went too.

 

“You have a large penis.”

 

“Um...thanks?” He went to the bathroom to grab his toiletry bag. He came back to show Cas the condom and bottle of lube. “Gonna need these. You used one before?”

 

“April put one on me.”

 

“Okay. Just remember to go to the clinic and pick up a bag of freebies. Never ride bareback. You’re human. That means diseases, pregnancy.”

 

“I am aware of this.”

 

“Good. Now, sex with a guy. For it not to hurt you gotta use a lot of lube and take your time opening him up before you go in. Sometimes you use up to three fingers.  This time I’m gonna do the work and show you. Just watch, okay?”

 

Dean got on his knees and leaned forward for Cas to see. He spread some lube over his fingers and pushed one inside himself. Cad watched in fascination as Dean pumped the single digit in and out. After a few moments he pushed in two at a time. Cad could see the small hole widening. Dean glanced back at him.

 

“You’re pretty thick, Cas. I’m gonna do three.”

 

Cas was painfully hard from just the sight. He had seen pornography before but not with two men. His time watching humanity taught him some things about the way people experienced sex.

 

“You ready?” Dean asked. He turned to face Cas. 

 

“Yes. Could you…?”

 

Dean grinned. He tore the condom wrapper with his teeth then rolled the rubber onto Cas. He added extra lube for good measure. He laid back on the bed and pulled up his knees. Cas positioned himself between them and guided himself.

 

“Go slow. Push a little at a time until you’re all the way in,” Dean coached. He moaned at the breech of the head. “Oh, yeah, Cas. Little more. Fuck, you feel good. Keep going.”

 

“Oh, Dean. This feels incredible.” Cas rested his head on Dean’s shoulder. He felt Dean contract and release around him. 

 

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and nudged his way into a kiss. Cas pushed an arm up under Dean to hold them close. He pulled back his hips and made a long, deep stroke.

 

His rhythm was off at first. He took awhile to fall into something comfortable for both of them. Dean was patient, praising him when he hit the right spot. He kissed him and touched him, maintained eye contact. He moaned with satisfaction. 

 

“Mmm...I could come just like this, Cas. But...you wanna touch me?”

 

“May I?”

 

“Show me what you got,” Dean challenged.

 

Cas lifted up to reach between them. He liked the way Dean had touched him so he did his best to emulate it. Dean tossed his head back. He writhed on the bed.

 

“Fuck. Fuck. I’m coming, Cas!” Dean yelled. He shot all over himself and Cas. Cas released him and pumped into him as he rode out the aftershocks of his orgasm. It wasn’t long before Cas shuddered then stilled on top of him.

 

Dean held him there in the afterglow. “Just so you know, you’re pretty good in the sack. How do  _ you _ feel?”

 

“I feel good, Dean. Thank you. You’ve made a wonderful memory for me tonight.”

 

Dean let him slip out and helped him with the used condom. He let Cas reposition for the post coital cuddling. “I wish I could take you home tomorrow.”

 

“If it weren't for Sam’s condition, would you have let me stay?”

 

“Of course I would. Hardest decision I ever had to make. I want you  _ home _ , Cas.”

 

“I want to be home, too.” There was sadness in his voice. He suddenly realized how much he wished he could have more nights like that with Dean. It was the first time he’d truly felt safe since he’d been on his own.

 

“Dean? Can we stay like this for the rest of the night?”

 

“Sure, Cas.”

 

They parted at the Gas-n-Sip the next morning without words, only longing glances.

 

***Present***

 

Dean cried himself to sleep, Cas’ name on his lips. He should have taken him home, Zeke...no...Gadreel be damned. Should have kicked him out before he got to Kevin. He’d made so many mistakes. If He’d changed just one thing...maybe Cas would still be alive.

 

As he packed himself up the next morning he told the ghost of a memory, “I’m sorry, Cas. And I love you.”

 

He slid into the driver’s seat. Sam was quiet but twitchy. “What?”

 

“This place means something to you.”

 

“Something good happened here. Long time ago.”

 

The wheels in Sam’s head turned. “Colorado. Cas.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“You slept with him, didn’t you?” There was no judgement in his voice.

 

“It was more than that. But I don’t wanna talk about it.”

 

“When you’re ready, I can listen.” Sam said softly. He always suspected there was something more between his brother and the angel.

 

“I loved him, Sam.” Dean kept his eyes forward on the road. He fought the lump in his throat.

  
“I know, Dean.”


End file.
